Appreciate her while she was still breathing for you

MARRIED OR NOT, YOU SHOULD READ THIS ...


“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn

’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed -dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.

So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.
Motivation Quotes

AKU SAYANG HARIMAU MALAYA!!!!

Good mornink...Pagi ni aku bangun dengan letih dan lesu..ni semua gara-gara tengok bola malam tadi tau..Sampai menangis aku  tau bila tiba part yang player Malaysia dibuang padang tu gara-gara pengadil yang bangang! Haisshh! saje je nak buat aku marah kan..Memang nampak nau Pengadil tu tersangatlah berat sebelah! Damm ko pengadil! jaat!!!  Huh, pengadil tu lah punca segala kekalahan, 2 kad kuning awal2 dah kena separuh masa pertama, tambah lagi kad merah, then tinggal 10 player atas padang..semangat player luntur!  Semuanya punca daripada pengadil tu!  Huhu tapi kan aku nak tegur juga player Harimau Malaya ni, aku tengok diaorang ni tak banyak berusaha kejar bola..aku tengok Mak yo yang banyak belari ke sana sini kejar bola..then kenapa striker cuma Mak yo sorang?  Ok then aku nampak bola tu banyak dihantar ke pintu gol Malaysia even bola tu dah dapat pada player Malaysia.  Why eh setiap kali dapat bola player kita tak tendang jauh-jauh sampai ke gol lawan?  Untung-untung boleh jaring gol dari jarak yang jauh kan..who knows..?  Dan sepatutnya kena ada lebih dari 2 player berada dekat dengan pintu gol lawan..so by the time dapat je bola dah bley kick lebih mudah untuk gol kan..  Tapi whatever pun aku tetap bangga dengan Harimau Malaya kerana dapat masuk semi final...dan aku rasa player kita perlu kuat dari segi fizikal, mental, emosi. Jadi bila sesuatu buruk terjadi mereka sudah mempunyai ketahanan mental dan emosi yang kuat so tak cepat give up!  Aku juga rasa bangga pada Penjaga gol kita..walaupun bolos 2 gol, tetapi gol2 lain semua dapat diselamatkan.. awesome! ayyokkk HARIMAU MALAY!! Kalah sekarang tak bermakna kita kalah selamanya!! Kamu adalah Hero kami...MALAYSIA BOLEH SELAMANYA HARIMAU MALAYA!!!!!

Akhirnya aku tido dekat pukul 1 pagi sebab meluahkan rasa tak puas hati aku dan yang  menjadi mangsa yang setia mendengar keluhan aku walaupun sambil mata tertutup tapi mulut asik bergerak cakap...YE...YE...SABARLAH YANG...BETUL...BETUL... adalah my Lovely Hubby..Wakahakakah!!

MIMPI OOOOOHHHH MIMPI....Apekah ada maksud tersirat??

Assalammualaikum dan very good morning ...

Ni aku nak citer ni pasal mimpi aku. Dont know lah ade maksud atau mainan tido semata2 kan...
Ok aku mimpi macam ni, aku dah mati..siap ade orang kafankan aku..dan aku dapat rasakan roh aku diangkat ke langit yang sangat tinggggiii...! Ok, time tu aku seolah2 tahu yang roh aku dah sampai lapisan langit ke tujuh, bila aku toleh aku nampak bumi sangat jauh dari aku. Then tibe2 aku berada di dalam sebuah masjid yang sangat besar dan cantik..sangat luas..sangat tinggi! Perhiasan di salam masjid tu dibuat daripada emas, Dinding masid bewarna putih bersih,karpet merah yang sangat besar dibentang sebagai permaidani.  Aku tengok dalam masjid tu sangat ramai orang yang sedang beratur,,macam2 rupa..ade yang muka dalam kerisauan..pakaian compang camping, ade yang berpakaian jubah hitam menutup seluruh tubuh badan dan berkumpul bersama puak2 yang sama pakaian dengan mereka, ade yang berjubah putih dan muka berseri2..sangat cantik! Ape yang pelik ialah, walaupun beribu-ribu orang sedang berbaris panjang seolah-olah sedang menunggu giliran, aku pulak seolah2 berjalan dan sekejap aje dah sampai depan.  macam potong q lah pulak Tapi masa aku berjalan ke dapan tu, mulut aku ni tak henti - henti berzikir kepada Allah. Laillah Haillahlah...Allah Huakbar..SubhanAllah..itu aje yang aku sebut sepanjang perjalanan. Aku berpakaian jubah putih dan suami ku juga berpakaian baju Melayu putih. Haihhh..macam nak nikah pulak kan..Bila sampai sahaja di barisan paling depan, aku berasa sangat kagum melihat sebuah kerusi yang sangat tinggi, besar dan cantik,, kerusi tu berganda2 lebih besar dari manusia.. kiri dan kanan kerusi itu diapit oleh sekumpulan makhluk yang bersayap, yang duduk dalam kumpulan dan bingkai kerusi tersebut diperbuat dari emas yang sangat berkilau dan bercahaya!! MasyaAllah !..sekali lagi aku hampir menjerit...mataku terpukau, mulut aku tak mampu keluarkan perkataan apa-apa lagi selain zikir kepada Allah!! Sangat INDAH!!! Tibe-tibe entah macam mana aku terjaga, mataku tibe-tibe terbuka dan serentak dengan itu Azan Subuh berkumandang.  Badan aku menggil dan jantung aku berdebar2...ermmm sudahnyer sampai pagi aku tak boleh tido balik huhu...Whats  acctually its all about yerk?

AKU NAK KURUS MACAM DULU!!

Huh korang mesti terkejut kan tengok aku dulu kurus...haissshhh..rindunyer time ni dalam tahun 2009. Kurus and steady yeah....

time ni tgh zaman bujang-bujang lagi..hurm bilalah aku nak kurus balik nih..haihh.. Bila badan dah beasr cam tong drum ni, mulalah sakit itu ini.mudah letih..tak larat  ahh semua penyakit duk datang hinggap!  Tapi takper...tunggulah suatu hari nanti aku akan pastikan jadi kurus semula tau...Azam hujung Tahun 2012 dah sampai...TUNGGGU!!!!

BOWLING TIME...

Ok nak upload citer last weekend, setelah terasa sangat-sangat borrrriiiinnggg........lepak di rumah,  otak aku tibe-tibe berjaya menghasilkan idea yang sangat bernas! pukul 10.30 malam aku telah memaksa suamiku bawa aku pi main bowling.  Aku pun tak tau camne, nafsu untuk main bowling timbul dengan rakusnyer malam tu hahah!! Ok set...kami terus drive ke Plaza 63 di Jalan Klang Lama untuk melempiaskan nafsu kami..heheh.  Sampai je kat bowling tu, ade Pak Cik kaunter tu dah tegur sambil tepuk2 bahu laki aku " Dah lama tak datang, amacam sihat??" hehe pastu suami aku plak jawab " biasa...banyak sangat tournamentlah" Ceh! bila masa plak dia pi tournament, balik keje tido ade lah  hik hik.. Aku memang selalu men bowling kat sini coz tempat dia selesa dan lane ade banyak coz 2 tingkat..tapi yang penting service dia sangat ok and harga sangatlah berpatutan...lepas pukul 10 malam, korang dapat 3 frame cuma bayar RM 10 jer..

Oleh kerana aku sampai pun dah lepas pukul 10 malam..best lah kan....

 

Ini adalah gambar seorang juara konon...

 

Ini plak gambar wiradona hahah!! damm.. aku sangat gumukss!

kat bawah ni score aku...

kat atas  ni score dia...dammm!!

KESIMPULANNYER AKU KALAHH!! hahah

Ayat untuk pujuk hati ni: Alaaa...takper...heroin biasa kalah dulu kan....

Tengok lah...muka riak laki aku nih haihhhhh............:P

Ok..kesimpulannyer..hari itu sangat menyeronokkan...:))

The End.

MY BIG BRO..

I love you and I wish you were home,
it hurts me to think you're so alone.
Its not the same without you here,
why you did what you did is still unclear.
I remember your smile used to stretch a mile.
Bully us is one of your hobby,
laughing, crying, screaming, always heard when you are at home .. so we feel joyous!
When we had a bad day you were the only on who could make us laugh,
its like you were my other half.
It hurts us to see what your going through,
it hurts even more because there's nothing I can do.
I just wish I could make it all ok,
but all I can do is pray.
I pray for you every night before I go to sleep,
and everytime I think I hear you voice.
Sometimes its like you're still here,
I look at the door and wait for you to appear.
Then I realize you're not home,
and I go back to feeling so alone.
I love you so much you just don't know,
no matter what you'll always be my big bro.

BERBUKA PUASA BERSAMA EX-OFFICEMATE...

Hehehe saje jew nak upload gambar ni walaupun bulan puasa dah lama berlalu.  Syukur Alhamdulillah, walaupun dah berpindah office, kawan -kawan masih tak lupakan aku.  Thank you to all my friends and officer2 S&T sebab sudi menjemput beta ke Majlis berbuka puasa warga S&T.  Dan banyak-banyak terima kasih kepada ex boss ku yang sudi belanja beta pada hari itu...kih kih jangan jaelous yeah@!!

Hah ni pulak gambar ex EO yang banyak tolong aku masa dekat S&T dulu antaranya tolong cover line bila aku tengah tido kat dalam restroom hahha!!

alaaa....lupe plak nak amik gambar boss aku lah...adduyyyaii....!! sooorrry boss!

Assalammualaikum...

Baru-baru ini aku agak pressure sikt dengan masalah-masalah yang melanda.  Dari satu masalah ke satu masalah.  Berjujuran air mata ini mengalir tiap kali selepas menunaikan solat...tak lekang bibirku memohon agar diberi kekuatan menghadapi segala masalah yang melanda diriku.  Aku redha..aku bersyukur kerana suami ku sentiasa ada di sisi dikala senang dan susah walaupun kekadang kepentingannya terabai.  Aku bersyukur kerana dikurniakan seorang suami yang sangat memahami dan sering berusaha buat aku tertawa bila biarpun didalam duka.  Sesungguhnya aku tak kuat tanpa dia, lebih-lebih lagi bila memandang muka kedua orang tua ku, adik-adik ku, aku rasa sebak..mereka juga seperti aku sangat rindukan along...Kami tahu along tak salah!..Kami kenal abang kami! Orang lain tak kenal Along! Tetiba aku rasa ada tangan yang memeluk dari belakang, bila aku toleh aku tengok suami ku.  Dia kesat air mataku.."Dah lah...tak mau nangis-nangis ni..jom kuar tenangkang fikiran"

Alkisahnya malam itu kami pun meronda-ronda tanpa hala tuju.  Dalam keta aku diam jer...dia yang banyak bercakap.  Bila tengok aku diam, dia akan cuit aku dan tanya "kenapa diam?" uiii seribu kali aku diam seribu kali tu lah dia asik betanya kenapa diam? dan seribu kali gak lah aku kena explain the same thing..! haha lawaklah suami ku ni.. lama-lama aku lupa masalah aku sebab sepanjang perjalanan dia asik suruh aku amik macam-macam gambar.  Pastu bia aku tunjuk kat dia, dia kata aku ni tak pandai jadi photographer lah..aduyyaiii...bikin panas tol lah dia nih..huhu, jom layan gambar-gambar yang aku amik malam tu...

Assalammualaikum ...

Dah lama rasanyer ak tak update blog ini.  Maklumlah sibuk sangat dengan tempat baru ni haa..1.8.2012 hari tu aku dah bertukar ke JPA. fuhh..memang lain suasana bekerja kat Jabatan ni berbanding kerja di Kementerian dulu.  Sesungguhnya aku memang merindui saat-saat sewaktu bekerja di Kementerian Sains, Teknologi & Inovasi dulu.  Ermm..mungkin aku masih baru di sini thats why feeling lain macam je kot...Everything is limited here!! ok fine, masa aku kat Kementerian, Printer,scanner, stationery sumer setiap staff dapat yer..tapi dkt Jabatan ni sumer kena sharing...memanglah sharing is caring kan..urhggg!! :P

Ok alkisahnyer aku kena jaga peguam ok kat kat sini...deal dengan peguam agak fussy sikit lah..tapi aku think positive jew.  Semua keje same..takde yang susah, takde yang senang..Siapapun boss aku, aku tetap kena turut apa yang disuruh.  Tapi boss aku ni baik gak lah, tak lah macam terlalu jahat..hehehe cume bab cuti je dia agak kejam...hahah.

One thing yang aku suka kat office baru aku ni ialah view office aku ni, menenangkan fikiran jew.  Almaklumlah aku ni memang cepat serabut, panik, and migrain kalau keje banyak2 ni.  Kadang-kadang tu sampai hilang ingatan bila sedepuk diberi keje! hah amekkaw!! When everything out of control, aku cepat-cepat igstifar....Agstafirullah...Alhamdulillah...segera aku toleh ke pemandangan luar dari office aku, melihat kebesaran Allah s.w.t.  Serentak rasa tenang dan syukur menjelma di dalam diri..Alhamdulillah..:)

Assalammualaikum & Salam perkenalan...

heheh akhirnye berjaya juge yer aku mencreate blog ni..Ermm I'm so exited coz sebelum ni asik tengok blog orang lain jew, but now, I HAVE MY OWN BLOG..Yeepee!!!!.  Ok ok what I,m gonna write here is about my self, my journey, my kitchen  and more about my story will update day by day InsyaAllah....